2011 To-Smite List

I've been updating my To-Smite List weekly, but now that the year is coming to a close, it's also important to set more long-term goals. So, I'm going to set up a To-Smite List for the entire year of 2011. These are the goals that I hope to accomplish before December 31, 2011:

To Write:
HC Outline
JP
MY
M
The first three updated short stories for my website

To Read:
Agamemnon
Antigone
Avatar
An Education
Full Fairy Tale Collection (8 count)
Full Journal of Scientific Exploration
The Hurt Locker
In the Loop
The Kite Runner
The Last Station
Paradise Regained
Personal Finance for Dummies
Precious
The Road
A Serious Man
A Single Man
What Every Body Is Saying
The White Ribbon

To Watch:
8 1/2
Apocalypto
Barbershop
Being John Malkovich
Chariots of Fire
Cool Hand Luke
Coraline
The Decalogue
Dr. Strangelove
Knocked Up
Kung Fu Panda
La Terra Trema
La Vie En Rose
Louder than Bombs
Man Bites Dog
Memoirs of a Geisha
Michael Clayton
Mother
The Motorcycle Diaries
Patton
Precious
Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Seven
Titanic
Waking Sleeping Beauty
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Y Tu Mama Tambien?

To Build:
Language Chart
In So Many Words (Volumes 1-3)
The Little Prince (Spanish, French, and German)
Website Illustrations

To Acquire:
Flip Mino Video Camera
Tripod

To Photograph:
Calvary Cemetery
Flying Fish Festival at Catalina Island
Huntington Library and Gardens
Meditation Mount / Ojai
Salton Sea
San Miguel Island (Deferred until 2012)
Self Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine
Sequoia National Forest

To Remember:
Have fun

The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser

This is another one of those DVDs that has been sitting in my Netflix queue since who knows when. Then I got it in the mail, and it's been sitting on my desk for a month. So, I figured it was about time to watch it, especially since I have a soft spot for Werner Herzog after Grizzly Man and Incident at Loch Ness.

The story is based off an actual occurrence, in which a 17-year old boy appeared suddenly in Nuremberg, unable to speak or even relate, having spent his entire life locked in a cellar and mysteriously released. The people of the town then do their best to integrate him into society.

Right off the bat, I was jarred by the contrast between the legend and the character. I expected a teenager and got a balding man in his forties. Fortunately, no one tried to play him off as a teenager. Despite the confusion over age and a very slow start, the performance was delightful. Kaspar's origins as a lame, grunting creature and slow transcendence to cultured philosopher would serve as a worthy challenge for any actor. While it was difficult for me to like Kaspar at first, over time he began to grow on me. I found his way of speaking most endearing, as he would wax awkwardly philosophical in everything he said (apparently, some of this dialogue was taken from letters written by the actual Kaspar Hauser).

The story moved very slowly and did not allow for any sort of attachment to the characters. Nonetheless, it engrossed me, from the children teaching him rhymes to the Four Riddles at the Carnival (was the King of Punt drugged?) to the final mysteries surrounding Kaspar's dreams and murder, which, by the way, was terrifying enough without having to see it.

I liked this film a lot more than I expected, despite the DVD glitches. It was episodic, but it felt like a nice collection of vignettes that were enjoyable enough to earn four stars.

Boundaries (Chapter 10)

This chapter deals with how to set boundaries with your children. This doesn't resonate with me right now, but it does have some useful messages about helping others emotionally.

Ways to help someone emotionally:
• Allow them to talk about their anger
• Allow them to express grief, loss, or sadness without trying to cheer them up and talk them out of their feelings
• Encourage them to ask questions
• Ask them what they are feeling when they seem isolated or distressed; help them put words to their negative feelings

I especially want to address the second bullet point. I admit I don't really know how to act when someone else is upset; it's a fun part of Asperger's Syndrome. The instinct is to try and cheer the other person up, but really, sometimes grief is important. Sometimes it just takes some listening ears and a positive sort of silence, the presence of another, supportive human being. It is not unkind to give no offers of help or rescue, because each person's own healing must inevitably come from within. Supporters are rungs to the ladder; one cannot make an individual rung responsible for one's own journey up.

Coraline (The Screenplay)

Not having seen Coraline yet, I'll base this response on what information I was able to glean from it and whether I would be likely to see the movie. I will try to keep my response independent of reviews from friends and my own enjoyment of stop-motion animation.

While I feel that I didn't learn as much from this script as from the Inglourious Basterds screenplay, I did get another useful glimpse into taking one's time to let the story build, instead of just trying to rush the exposition out of the way and race through the rest of the story. The story really only takes place in two locations: the Pink Palace and the Other Pink Palace, which means that the story had to focus entirely on Coraline and her miserable, attention-starved life. There is a lot of time spent wandering in the garden and interacting with neighbors in seemingly trivial manners that provide entertainment and foreshadowing for their significance later in the story. Nonetheless, in this wandering, we learn a lot about Coraline and relate to her.

Structurally, we have a very distinct first turning point, where Coraline decides to return to the Other world, though it comes fairly late, around page 40 or so. We have a spot-on midpoint, where Coraline realizes that this fantasy world is actually hostile, and finally, our second turning point marks Coraline's need to return to the Other World for the final time to finish off the witch that took her in the first place. Littered throughout are imaginative images and fun characters, my favorite being mad Mr. Bobinsky, set up according to the rule of threes, which adds variety to Coraline's interactions up until Act 3 when all three mini-worlds have to come together.

I'd watch the movie for the sheer imagination of it. I think it has a unique message, that while life may be dull and empty at times, it sure beats having one's soul devoured by a witch with buttons for eyes. I'd like to see how it comes across on the screen, so I'm adding it to my Netflix queue.

Boundaries (Chapter 9)

There must always be reasonable consequences. I repeat, there must always be reasonable consequences. I've inherited a long list of empty threats, and it's difficult to invoke consequences for fear of destroying a relationship. Nonetheless, if one does not spray the dog with the water bottle, the dog will think shedding on the couch is perfectly appropriate behavior. Of course, this is a bad metaphor to apply to a chapter on marriage, but since I'm not married and won't be for a long time (at least), I'm going to apply this chapter to my life as best as I can.

The chapter opens with a story of a wife who is always late, which irritates the husband. He wants to go to a banquet and tells her to be ready by 6:00. When she isn't, he leaves without her. She is furious, but he had expressed his feelings, and she had ignored them. While this seems manipulative or passive-aggressive at first glance, if one discusses feelings and consequences at the onset, then actually following through shows the other person how their own actions harm them.

"Only we know what we can and want to give, and only we can be responsible for drawing that line. If we do not draw it, we can quickly become resentful." (162)

My lines have hitherto been hazy at best. I have volunteered to fight people's battles for them, to help them financially, and to call them every morning like a good boyfriend would, right? Boy, has the resentment built up after that 120% is met with a mere 50%. So, a new line must be drawn: excluding holidays, no favors unless requested specifically. For me, that will be tough as hell, but to preserve my own energy and allow myself to give more appropriately, the limit must be made. It is also my responsibility to allow others their choices but let them know that I, too, can choose not to tolerate them.

"Passive boundaries, such as withdrawal, triangulation, pouting, affairs, and passive-aggressive behavior, are extremely destructive to a relationship." (165)

Silence breeds silence; according to Simon and Garfunkel, it is a cancer. In silence, the imagination runs wild and a small conflict suddenly balloons into a culmination of all of one's resentment to the world pointed in a searing laser blast at the target person. This book recommends verbal communication followed by appropriate action for conflict resolution. It must be clear and unapologetic, even if the risk is the collapse of a relationship. If it is honest and the other person cannot tolerate it, then much is revealed of incompatibility. Without these measures, there can be no increase in intimacy or mutual understanding.

Finally, I need to take these messages to heart:

"A hurt heart takes time to heal. You cannot rush back into a position of trust with too much unresolved hurt. That hurt needs to be exposed and communicated. If you are hurting, you need to own that hurt." (166)

Separateness maintains a healthy longing. It gives the other person a chance to miss you.

Boundaries (Chapter 8)

This chapter starts with a story about a woman who calls a friend for a movie, having always taken the initiative to see this friend, who never calls, but her friend is unavailable. Yeah, been there.

I have a tendency to either expect too much from individual friends or to feel obligated to see certain others. Townsend and Cloud describe four types of relationship conflicts, but the one that resonates with me the most is the Compliant/Nonresponsive relationship, which I've recognized from its symptoms: depression, resentment, self esteem issues, etc. It manifests as a controlling nature; I feel that if I don't put forth 120% of the work, the friendship will die. Unfortunately, this means, in both friendship and relationships, that I tend to overwhelm the other person with my efforts then turn cold when they are not returned with the same intensity. Of course, the other person can be totally oblivious to my personal anxiety. To this, Cloud and Townsend say, "Each person must carry his own load."

Often, my commitment to commitment is so strong that it becomes a hindrance, but these statements resonated with me:

"[...]we cannot depend on commitment or sheer willpower, for they will always let us down[...]Being loved leads to commitment and willful decision making." (151)

This, of course, has been an enormous problem with my dating life. I commit before I know the feeling is mutual, and I give the extra 120% that I either don't get or refuse to take from my friends, which then leads to further abandonment and further hurt.

"[Dating] is not a place for young, injured souls to find healing." (153)

In order to combat my cravings for intimacy, the book recommends that I stop placing all of my emotional well being on an individual person and instead spread it over a group, chiefly a support group. This is a challenge for me, because I don't function socially in groups. I'm very much a one-on-one person, but focusing my light and my darkness on individuals creates a severing laser. Therefore, starting now but hopefully culminating in 2011, I'm going to search for a new support group or at least a group of friends with whom I genuinely mesh. Wish me luck.

Writing Progress

You could call it ironic how little I write about writing. I guess sometimes it just seems superfluous. Nonetheless, I should add a small update here on current projects.

I'm not working well under pressure. Now, when I say I'm not working well, I don't mean I'm not working diligently, but rather the product is not turning out as I'd hoped, largely because of panic. My current script has been lagging behind for quite some time, due to an obsession with deadlines. The pressure takes away my creative concentration. Therefore, I need to do one of two things. Either I need to get rid of the pressure or learn to blend creativity with it.

A lot of this will probably require a learning of patience, lots of patience. I noticed today that I've been getting really impatient with certain sections because they were running too long. It was only after I went back and looked them over that I realized that the sections themselves weren't long at all; it was the time I'd spent on those sections that had made them seem so arduous. It may also be time to learn how to push on and rewrite after, though, to be fair, I would like to have an excellent Act 1 ready to show before I press on to the remainder, because frankly, that's where the hook lies. Today, I shall press on past the twenty-page mark, finally. Fingers crossed that the pattern will continue into the coming week.

Boundaries (Chapter 7)

This chapter went into detail about boundaries and family. Lots to relate to here. Lots of work to do. It provides a list of steps to take for resolving many of the problems it brings up, but I will not detail them here; instead, my work on them will be cataloged in Ass Burgers. In any case, here were some of the highlights:

"In the perpetual child syndrome, a person may be financially on his own, but allows his family of origin to perform certain life management functions[...]This often happens in friendly, loving families, where things are so nice it’s hard to leave." (133)

It is nice to be one of those people who can still look forward to going home once in a while. My family and I have had our disagreements over the years, but nothing has really been catastrophic. Nonetheless, boundaries must be clarified. Take, for instance, the process of going home. In the past few years, I've developed the mentality that if I don't accept an invitation to go home or stay longer than I'd planned, I'm disappointing my parents. There doesn't even have to be anything said; it's all in a feeling. This may be part of the reason I still allow them to mostly determine what we do while I'm home and why I still let my mom handle a lot of my financial aspects. Severing this dependency in a reasonable manner will be my top goal when I go home for the holidays next week.

“Triangulation is the failure to resolve a conflict between two persons and the pulling in of a third to take sides. This is a boundary problem because the third person has no business in the conflict, but is used for comfort and validation by the ones who are afraid to confront each other. This is how conflicts persist, people don’t change, and enemies are made unnecessarily[…]What happens in the triangle is that people speak falsely, covering up their hatred with nice words and flattery.” (134)

This is prominent, but hardly limited to, my family dynamic. I've long been sought out as a listening ear for the issues that family members and friends have had with each other, and to be fair, I've often been the one searching out Person C to bemoan Person B. Sometimes this is necessary, such as when the other person is unavailable or too emotional, but the frequency with which it happens in my family, to the point that direct communication is something of a novelty, is ridiculous. While repairing this pattern will not be a goal of mine when I go home, staying out of the drama will be.

“Never say to a third party something about someone that you do not plan to say to the person himself.” (135)

This mirrors my Back-Door Policy, which states that one should "only say about another person what you wouldn't mind them hearing if they walked in the back door." It could also fall in with the Thumper Philosophy, but I'd say the main reason this will be important for me to follow is that there is no guarantee that Person C will keep your secret. When Person B finds out, there is nothing to prevent the shit from hitting the fan or the back door from slamming shut.

Some additional useful advice provided in this chapter include:

• Take in and receive the good (Don’t just understand your need; get it met!)
• Practice Boundary Skills (Practice them in situations where they will be honored and respected)
• Say no to the Bad (Avoid hurtful situations; don’t try to resolve too quickly)
• Forgive the aggressor (grudges keep to you tied to the person forever)
• Respond, don’t React (The difference is emotional; a calm response keeps your boundaries intact)
• Learn to love in freedom and responsibility, not in guilt (Boundaries mean you are gaining freedom to love)

This will serve as a reference for future self projects, but for now, I shall conclude with this last really useful message:

“Codependents are not doing good; they are allowing evil because they are afraid.” (141)

Fear dominates my life. It's time to overcome it.

Kiki's Delivery Service

The description on the Netflix sleeve as "gentle" could not be more accurate in describing Kiki's Delivery Service. As a fan of Hayao Miyazaki's work, I figured it would be important to add this movie to the list, though in all honesty, it didn't live up to his other works.

Despite the story centering on a witch, there was surprisingly little magic in the movie, which in some ways helped keep the focus on Kiki's personal journey, but for a fantasy film, I just wanted more. Fairly episodic in structure, it was more of a meditation on growing up than the adventure it claims to be. The conflicts were short-lived and sometimes vague, but in many ways, that embodies those fun pre-teen years.

I could, however, relate to the idea that immersing oneself too heavily in one's work strips the magic away from life. This wasn't just a be-yourself sort of story. Kiki had a mission to which she was entirely devoted: to become a witch. However, while focusing on that one goal, she lost her joy, her best friend, and even her ability to work on her goal. In a way, the message for work-related depression is pretty somber. Nonetheless, the ending turns out happily for all, and we are left with a feel-all-right sort of movie. I'd give it three stars, just because of the director.

Inglourious Basterds (The Screenplay)

In my ongoing quest for inspiration to write, I'm finally sitting down to read some past winners, starting with the epic (164-page) Inglourious Basterds, written and directed by Quentin Tarantino. Having already seen the movie and enjoyed it, I thought I would take a reverse perspective and, instead of seeing how written words adapted to the screen, see how what was on the screen originated. I found this helpful on a number of levels.

Firstly, there was the issue of length. Being 44 pages longer than my professors recommended throughout college, the script consists of long, but intense, dialogue scenes, divided into five chapters. Chapter One and Two are nearly twenty pages each, Chapter Three nearly forty, Chapter Four fifty, and Chapter Five nearly twenty. Page 77 marks what could either be considered the midpoint or the first Plot Point, because it is the first time a character really makes a big decision. Each chapter abounds with long, descriptive, even editorial, paragraphs that convey a sense of the world and the history of the characters, something my professors, again, said never to do. The reason, they say, is to avoid imposing on the director, which, in Tarantino's case as writer/director, doesn't apply. Nonetheless, I found the content effective. For instance:

"However, simply by sight, you'd never know if he's been beating at this stump for the last year or just started today." (3)

"After living for a year with the sword of Damocles suspended over his head, this may very well be the end." (3)

"The human beings are the DREYFUSES, who have lived lying down underneath the dairy farmer's house for the past year. But one couldn't call what the Dreyfuses have done for the last year living. This family has done the only thing they could—hide from an occupying army that wishes to exterminate them." (11)

"Shoshanna isn't falling for the young German by any stretch. However, his exploits, as well as his charming manner, can't help but impress. But his referring to Goebbels as 'Joseph,' like they're friends, is all she needs to get on the right side of things. This young man is trouble with a capital T, and she needs to stay far fucking away from him." (55)

"Considering that Shoshanna grew up on a dairy farm, and the last time she was on a dairy farm, her strudel companion murdered her entire family, his ordering her milk is, to say the least... disconcerting." (68)

"Strangling the very life out of somebody with your bare hands is the most violent act a human being can commit. Also, only humans strangle, opposable thumbs being quite an important part of the endeavor. As Hans Landa stands, the sheer violence he had to call on to accomplish this task still surges through him. He tries to gain control of the trembling that is rippling through his body. He takes out a silver S.S. FLASK (filled with peach schnapps) and knocks back a couple of swigs. He holds his hand out in front of him. The TREMBLING is beginning to subside." (139)

Nonetheless, despite the lengthy descriptions and notes to self, this particular screenplay serves as an excellent example of how to cut content in the transition from script to screen. There are many pages in the script about how Shoshanna meets Madame Mimeux, the theater owner, and comes into her apprenticeship. There are pages of Shoshanna reflecting over her relationship with Madam Mimeux. None of them made it to the screen. Did the movie need them? Not really. All we needed to know was that, after escaping the murder of her family, Shoshanna found her way to Paris, changed her name, and acquired a movie theater. Plain and simple, no problem.

Tarantino also does something with scene headers that I appreciate, which is that, in a quickly paced scene, he does not insert full headers, but rather announces the transitions through sub-slugs: "FROM HERE ON WE GO BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN ALDO AND HITLER," "WE SEE JUST A SUPER-QUICK SHOT OF Goebbels FUCKING Francesca DOGGY-STYLE," etc. This removes some of the distraction caused by headings and lets the reader focus on the content.

A more minor, yet excellent, cut came about in the exposing of Bridget Von Hammersmark's espionage. In the script, Col. Landa unmasks her by interrogating a wounded soldier, revealed in a comic-book-like thought bubble. However, in the film, all he has to do is discover the signed napkin that Hammersmark gave to the same wounded soldier (now dead), and there's his answer with a few extra minutes to spare and no need to take us totally out of the movie into a comic book.

Finally, there are a few highlights that I would like to point out where Tarantino's skillful blending of literary description and dialogue reveals endless information about the characters and how the actors could approach the parts.

"COL. LANDA: Please, join me at your table." (10)

---

"He looks her in the face and, filled with tremendous guilt, because if he's successful tonight he's going to blow this cute french girl to smithereens, he says:

HIRSCHBERG
Grazie.

The cute Franch girl looks back at the goofy-looking Italian boy with slicked-back hair that makes him look kind of Jewish with tremendous guilt, knowing if she is successful tonight, she's going to burn him alive, and says:

SHOSHANNA
Prego." (135-136)

The performances came across powerfully, and what could easily have been long, tedious dialogue scenes crackled with tension and left me mesmerized by the characters. Regardless of the rules of directing, there is much to be said for the way Tarantino structured his film and put forth the extra lines to add further depth. Thus must be laid to rest the myths that a long script is a tedious script, that a writer can't have fun with mise en scène, and that scenes over five pages are ineffective.

Boundaries (Chapter 6)

Chapter 6 details the myths surrounding boundaries. A lot of them resonated with me, but the following did more than others.

Myth 2: Boundaries are a sign of disobedience

This continues the discussion on compulsive agreement, particularly the disparity between an external yes and an internal no. When we say yes to someone but really mean no, we are only complying, which is basically lying. To say yes for the sake of maintaining an external peace, while resentment for the decision builds internally, is to do a disservice to oneself and others. In fact, being able to say no to someone is a higher way of loving than simply bending to another's wishes.

"We must always say yes out of a heart of love. When our motivation is fear, we love not." (Page 111)

Myth 3: If I Begin Setting Boundaries, I Will Be Hurt by Others

"We can't manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by sugarcoating them. Boundaries are a 'litmus test' for the quality of our relationships." (Page 112)

Myth 4: If I Set Boundaries, I Will Hurt Others

"Even when someone has a valid problem, there are times when we can't sacrifice for some reason or other.[...]We all need more than God and a best friend. We need a group of supportive relationships. The reason is simple: having more than one person in our lives allows our friends to be human. To be busy. To be unavailable at times. To hurt and have problems of their own. To have time alone." (Page 115)

Myth 7: Boundaries Cause Feelings of Guilt

"What do we owe not only our parents, but anyone who's been loving toward us?[...]The idea is that because we have received something, we owe something. The problem is the nonexistent debt. The love we receive, or money, or time—or anything which causes us to feel obligated—should be accepted as a gift. / 'Gift' implies no strings attached. All that's really needed is gratitude." (Page 123)

This reading came a day too late, but fortunately, the experience was marked by a perfect case study example of a boundary violation. While waiting for my friend outside a movie theater, I was accosted by a worker for Children International. Apart from being the spitting image of my cousin, in face and mannerism, she immediately set about to telling me why I would sign up to donate right then and there.

Despite my half-hearted attempts to reason with her why I couldn't justify signing up for a monthly donation at this stage of my life, she very quickly pointed out that the monthly cost is equivalent to eating out twice and told me to get out my credit card. At this point, there were two voices playing in my head, Fiscal Responsibility and Compassion. With my financial futures so uncertain, I don't know how many more monthly expenses I can handle and for how long. On the other hand, I would like to make a difference in a child's life, and I was charmed by the representation of the organization in About Schmidt. The problem I had was in being told then and there that I would do it, that I couldn't take home any paperwork and think about it, and that I'd get two letters a year from whomever my mysterious child will be. The onslaught overwhelmed me, I acquiesced, and I instantly felt sick. I had complied, because I couldn't say no to the pressure. The organization offers refunds, but then the question of whether this might just be something worthwhile holds me back.

While I felt angry at myself for several days after, I at least know now, after reading this chapter, that it is perfectly legitimate to say no to someone when saying yes could be in some way damaging. Whether I request a refund or not will depend on the course of the next 30 days.

Boundaries (Chapter 5)

No big self-analyses for this chapter. Instead, I'm just going to share a few useful tidbits that I've gleaned from the text:

The first step in a 12-Step program, admitting powerlessness over addiction, establishes the fact that you want to do one thing but repeatedly do the opposite. One then asks God (one's higher power) for help to find the right path for you. The process of repentance, therefore, is establishing the negative parts of your life that you want to change.

"'I'm loving too much.'
'How can you love too much?'
'I do far more for people than I should. And that makes me very depressed.'
'I'm not quite sure what you are doing, but it certainly isn't love. The Bible says that true love leads to a blessed state and a state of cheer. Love brings happiness, not depression. If your loving is depressing you, it's probably not love.'" (Page 93)

If you're motivated by fear, you are not loving. If you say yes to everything, you are not loving. If you are motivated by shame over receiving and feel compelled to pay someone back for a gift, you are not loving. The Law of Motivation states: Freedom first, service second. The virtue is in giving freely without compulsion.

"It is crucial for victims of abuse to feel the rage and hatred of being powerless, but to be screaming 'victim rights' for the rest of their lives is being stuck in a 'victim mentality.'" (Page 98)

"Proactive people show you what they love, what they want, what they purpose, and what they stand for[...]Proactive people do not demand rights, they live them." (Page 98)

Boundaries (Chapter 4)

I should start this section with one of the most spot-on observations in this chapter:

"No matter how much you talk to yourself, read, study, or practice, you can't develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and others." (Page 66)

I do a lot of self-help reading, but it continues to be difficult for me when it comes to applying what I've learned to the real world, mostly because when I mention what I've learned, those who hear it out of context tend to downplay it and thus, with my own lack of boundaries, so do I. Controllers are everywhere, whether they realize it or not.

There are a few more passages that struck a chord with me:

"The earlier the child learns good boundaries, the less turmoil he or she experiences later in life[...]and a better transition into adulthood." (Page 75)

"When parents* pull away in hurt, disappointment, or passive rage, they are sending this message to their youngster: You are lovable when you behave. You aren't lovable when you don't behave[...]Children whose parents* withdraw when they start setting limits learn to accentuate and develop their compliant, loving, sensitive parts. At the same time, they learn to fear, distrust, and hate their aggressive, truth-telling, and separate parts. If someone they love pulls away when they become angry, cantankerous, or experimental, children learn to hide these parts of themselves." (Page 77)

This is basically how I would describe the gay side of me. When I go home, we do not speak of it, or if it comes up, the topic is consistently uncomfortable and short-lived. I act as straight as possible when I am around my family and straight male friends, even when I'm around other gay people and just don't want to appear "as gay." This builds not only a level of resentment toward them but also a certain unwillingness to spend time with them, to spend time back in the mask. In my past relationships, my insecurities have been flouted and mocked, but never allayed, and I have interpreted this to mean that my insecurities should be ignored in favor of a good show. Boy, does that ever mess a person up...

"Ever wonder why some Christians fear an angry God, no matter how much they read about his love?" (Page 79)

"Adult children of alcoholics** never feel safe in relationships. They're always waiting for the other person to let them down or attack them unexpectedly. They keep their guard up consistently." (Page 82)

While neither of my parents are alcoholics, I will say that, without their support, I approach relationships with distrust and cynicism. I can be quite taken with someone, and after one call from my mother, even if the subject of dating never comes up (which it doesn't, unless I bring it up), I am instantly convinced that this is another "naive infatuation" and that I'm better off ending it before I'm let down again. This is where I need to work hardest on my own boundaries. I can't let the disapproval of anyone else determine my own feelings. This hypersensitivity lets me live the lives of others while ignoring my own.

---

^{* Also applies to relationships
** Insert whatever addiction or obsession you so desire.}

Boundaries (Chapter 3)

Chapter 3 details the different types of boundary problems. I identified with many of them.

Compliants
"When parents teach children that setting boundaries or saying no is bad, they are teaching them that others can do with them as they wish[...]To feel safe in such an evil world, children need to have the power to say things like: 'No.'" (Page 52)

"The inability to say no to the bad is pervasive. Not only does it keep us from refusing evil in our lives, it often keeps us from recognizing evil." (Page 53)

I've grossly misunderstood what "yes" really means. The way I've understood it, "yes" is the good, positive thing to say, that only negative, unlikable people say "no" to others, and so I've let myself be walked all over for years, because I could not say no, mostly out of fear. I believe this started in youthful conflicts with my brother. He would tease me mercilessly, and, lacking his mental sharpness, I would respond in the only way I understood: clobbering him, or at least attempting to. Most times, my parents would physically restrain me while my brother continued taunting me. I doubt they had bad intent; they just wanted to keep me from killing him. Nonetheless, my helplessness against his taunting and the regular reprimands that since I'm the oldest, I should be setting the example (Who the fuck understands what "setting the example" means at age 8?) somehow got planted in my head to the point that I've come to see abuse as not only unavoidable, but also somehow merited.

Avoidants

Avoidants refuse to ask for help, recognize their own needs, and let others in; they withdraw when they are in need but do not ask for the support of others. Again, here, I've been guilty as charged. Having been told many times, explicitly or implicitly, to stop whining or that negativity is not an attractive quality, it has become my impression that expressing my negative emotions (sadness, anger, jealousy, etc.) is the wrong thing to do and destroys friendships. Hence, the showmanship, the extreme cheer, and the complete refusal to accept help from others (or feelings of guilt when people do help me.)

Controllers

These are the people who can't hear "no," who either crush boundaries as impediments to their own agendas or else manipulate others out of their boundaries. These are the people who are most dangerous to me and also those whom I am learning to recognize early. While I'm getting better at recognizing them from afar, I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to getting away from a face-to-face manipulation.

Nonresponsives

Nonresponsives lack attention to the responsibilities of love, i.e. taking part in the emotional needs of those with whom they have relationships. The two kinds are critical, which projects self hatred onto others, and narcissistic, which is wholly self-absorbed. I need a lot of work here too. I get angry when others want to spend time with me, when I haven't finished my projects. I also stay distant from others' problems because I have so many of my own, to the point that I can be terribly insensitive.

The nice thing about this chapter is that it pinpoints very distinct patterns of insufficient boundaries. Having them laid out so clearly before my eyes, I am starting to notice them more in daily life. This is a good first step. Now I need to start applying them to real, off-the-page experiences.

Groundhog Day

Though it's nearing the end of November, I decided to take a trip to Punxsutawney, PA for Groundhog Day. To discuss Groundhog Day I should first discuss Groundhog Day. Groundhog Day is an occasion for celebration, for humans to gather together and be merry over a common occurrence, even if it just so happens to be plucking a large rodent from a burrow and asking it whether it saw its shadow. The reason isn't especially compelling to most, but it is a true glimpse of the humanity that Bill Murray's character, Phil Connors, lacks.

The beauty in Phil's voyage from bitter egoist to joyful humanist comes from his discovery of life's little details. One of the most powerful moments for me came from his "I'm a God" speech in the diner, when he reveals the back stories of all of the side characters filling the place. It made me realize that for every person in a crowd, there are stories, desires, and memories. Taking into account these details and taking the time to explore them suddenly makes the world all the richer.

On the topic of time, one of the perks to reliving the same day again and again is being able to take advantage of all the time lost to narrow-minded goals, in Phil's case, his career. When he suddenly finds himself with all the time in the world, he starts to learn the piano, ice sculpture, auto mechanics, and empathy. It made me pause to think of how much time there really is in life and how much could be gained from every initiative. The unlimited potential of any given day is not to be understated or ignored, for to do so would be a great loss.

Notwithstanding the humor, which was light-hearted but hardly laugh-out-loud, I really enjoyed Groundhog Day for the fact that it's inspired me to explore life more, take an interest in the details, and just be appreciative of each day. For this, I give it four stars.

What Every Body Is Saying (Chapter 1)

I borrowed this book from my brother at the end of my final Winter Break. According to him, it would change the entire way I look at people. Having finally sat down and opened the cover, I'm already intrigued. It would be cheap to give away too much of the actual content of this book, so apart from noting the subtitle, "An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People," I'm going to avoid direct quotations for the most part.

Considering Joe Navarro's reference to the observational skills of Sherlock Holmes, the words "Elementary, my dear Watson" came to mind a time or two. People these days, myself included, tend to be terribly lazy with their observations, only noticing the most overt and bombastic expressions when communicating. For example, there are certain people who never fail to overstay their welcome, chatting feverishly when their hosts are literally and exaggeratedly yawning from exhaustion. There are times when I try to signal nonverbally that I need to leave the conversation; it doesn't register. There are times when I catch myself avoiding eye contact with people; Navarro says this is a sign of fear or showing disdain. No wonder people read me in ways that are contrary to what's actually on my mind. A perfect stranger commented that I looked angry while I was having a pleasant dinner with a friend at the adjacent table. I was befuddled.

Navarro sets up ten commandments for observation, which can only be done justice when read in their entirety, but for the sake of summary, when observing, it is important to note an individual's normal behavior, the circumstances surrounding any change in behavior, potentially deceptive or misleading behaviors, and that the individual does not realize that he or she is being observed. As I work to improve my communication skills, a knowledge of nonverbal communication will be essential, not only for getting my point across but also for allaying old fears of another person's disinterest. I look forward to the topics covered in subsequent chapters.

Boundaries (Chapter 2)

I decided to read an extra chapter today, since it's raining out, and the first chapter intrigued me. Chapter 2 outlines the different types of boundaries, from the physical (skin) to the spiritual (truth), and accounts for all the things that set them (e.g. responsibility and desires). What I'm really enjoying about this book so far is the moderate way it approaches the Bible, giving solid distinction between glorifying God (which appeals to me) and worshiping God (which does not). This, however, will be an Ass Burgers topic.

I've included some quotes below that have resonated with me on my journey.


"As it stands now, he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable." (30)
I can see this in myself, in my roommates, and in my parents. It's the idea of being responsible and keeping one's mouth shut about another's irresponsibility in order to keep the peace, mostly out of fear of an unfavorable reaction. What most do not realize is that volcanoes build in silence.


"Our fences need gates in them... Confessing pain and sin helps to 'get it out' so that it does not continue to poison me on the inside." (35)
It's far too easy to set up a boundary as a wall. Much of my spiritual panic in the last two years has established a wall that will not allow good in or bad out. In order to correct this, I need to acknowledge more external good and either accept or refute more internal bad.


"Sometimes a person is pressuring you to do something; other times the pressure comes from your own sense of what you 'should' do. If you cannot say no to this external or internal pressure, you have lost control of your property and are not enjoying the fruit of 'self control.'" (36-37)
I relate to this in so many ways, especially on those nights when I get invited to multiple events at the same time. I feel that I should spend time with the person I haven't seen in the longest while, even if their activity is not as interesting to me as the other. Most times, I end up canceling on both for fear of disappointing one over the other, but in the end, both are disappointed. With expanded self-control, one person can be instantly gratified, and the next will have a delay, but still gratification eventually.


"The Bible urges us to separate from those who continue to hurt us and to create a safe place for ourselves. Removing yourself from the situation will also cause the one who is left behind to experience a loss of fellowship that may lead to changed behavior." (38)
This beautifully summarizes my reasoning for logging off of Facebook. The situation of watching interactions between others, while being ignored, of volunteering information without actually receiving interest, and of contorting myself to entertain and receive approval of others, was hurting me and had been hurting me for years. Since leaving it and getting past the withdrawals, the quality of life has taken an immense upward turn.


"Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change." (39)
Wise words to live by. These could have saved me all sorts of trouble, and, in fact, have recently been very useful in the relationship field. Now all that remains to be ingrained in my brain is direct confrontation over the matters of sustained change or lack thereof.


"We have been so trained by others on what we 'should' do that we think we are being loving when we do things out of compulsion." (44)
I've thought of this a lot lately now that the radio is announcing the frenzy of the holiday season and my coworkers are complaining about the forthcoming stress. The funny thing I've noticed about Christmas is how many gifts are given for the sake of propriety, without consideration for need or want but only the fear of someone's reaction to getting nothing. We demand to get, or we are too afraid not to demand. Thus, the magic of the season is lost to anxiety, and a barrier is placed among family members. Some of the best things I have received at Christmas have been words and actions, written, promised, or acted out. They are the most memorable and the most meaningful.

Boundaries (Chapter 1)

I saw this book sitting on my coworker's desk, and when I asked how it was, she let me borrow it on the spot. Whether this is, in itself, an issue of boundaries remains to be determined. In any case, it seems to be just the sort of thing I need to learn.

Chapter 1 sets up the premise of a life without boundaries, taking on everyone else's problems, trying to be nice for the sake of niceness, and as a religious text, taking the Bible's words on self-sacrifice to an extreme. Being historically guilty of many of these characteristics, I'd say this book will be very useful. The issues I hope to overcome, based on what I've gleaned from this first chapter, are:

1. Being nice out of fear of anger.
2. Keeping my mouth shut in order to "keep the peace."
3. Thinking of self care as selfish.
4. Putting the problems and needs of others on a higher scale of importance than my own.

I can see where much of the story presented appears in my own life and the lives of those around me, so as I respond to the coming chapters, I will hopefully be able to express progress and how I apply what I've learned to daily life. Some of this may also reflect in Ass Burgers. Now, onward.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

It had been a while since I last saw this movie. In fact, I couldn't remember a moment out of it. Nonetheless, I decided to add it to my queue after it came up in a class on monsters and detectives several years back. I'm actually quite glad I checked it out again, because now, the richness of the world really registered with me.

The blending of animation and live action is so extraordinarily well done, from the lighting on Roger as he moves from set through the work area and out into the real world, to the real effects that Jessica's two-dimensional fingers have as they pinch Eddie Valiant's cheeks. The gags, such as the "cattle call," where a line of cows practiced their lines, felt much wittier now that a few years have passed since the last time I saw the movie.

Nonetheless, the movie was a lot darker and less funny than I remember. It felt like a genuine noir film; it was too self-aware for the cartoon bits to be funny. The only time I really laughed aloud was when Eddie encounters Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny in free-fall and Mickey Mouse gives a giggle before saying "You could get killed." It just seemed a strange phrase to come out of the mouse's mouth. I spent the rest of the time marvelous at how Rob Zemeckis was able to get licensing for both Disney and Warner Bros. characters.

To be sure, I love crossovers. Despite the lack of laughs, the film is a feast of cross-references and self-mockery. The Daffy-Donald Duck Duel was just glorious to watch, and well, who can say "No" to Jessica Rabbit? Honestly... As a smart film that is a lot of fun to watch, I'm giving it four stars. It's one of those movies that just has to be seen.

Juan Bautista de Anza Park

I got introduced to Juan Bautista de Anza Park several years ago and was immediately struck by the mystique of the place with its towering oaks and seas of silvery grass rustling in the wind. It's difficult to imagine that a place like this exists in the middle of a Calabasas subdivision. In fact, the pictures I've taken are no more than five hundred feet, at any given point, from a playground.
On this particular afternoon, I felt the call to the park, as I'd long been wanting to capture the sun shining through the branches of those magnificent oak trees. With the days getting shorter, I figured I would be able to catch some great lighting early and be home at a very reasonable hour. The thing about sunset photography, though, is that, from the moment I set foot outside the car, it becomes a race against the clock to get as many possible pictures of the area while the light is still good. This involved me racing past the "BEWARE OF RATTLESNAKES" sign and up a steep hill covered in four-foot high, dry grass with flecks of ash from fires past still encrusted on the stems, and snapping until my fingers ached.
While I love my camera, one of the things I'm finding frustrating is the inability to preview the pictures in bright light to see whether the shutter/F-stop/ISO settings are working or not. This makes experimentation incredibly difficult and has led to many disappointments on returning home. In any case, I didn't quite get the pictures I'd hoped for, but I think I surpassed some of my expectations. For instance, there was the innocent adolescent couple that stumbled into one of my shots, just as the lighting was perfect. At first, I was annoyed with their hormonal gropings, but then I realized that, backlit in the shadow of the oaks, they seemed the perfect examples of Adam and Eve in their garden. I started snapping, and I was pleased with the results. I suppose this should teach me a lesson in making lemonade from life's lemons...
In any case, despite being in the midst of human habitation, there is a mystical sense of isolation in this park. Something in the way the wind whispers through the grass, the way the oaks cast their long shadows across the hillsides, the way the white falcons screech to each other as they battle the black crows for perching space, makes this place magical. To sit in silence on a sun-shadowed swing, to fly out over the land, then back again to the roots... this is a fragment of paradise. Adam and Eve indeed.

Happy Feet

Happy Feet has been sitting in my Netflix queue for several years now, and I could never figure out why. Baby penguin + dancing + adorable = Kyle love? Well, as part of my animation fix these past few weeks, I decided to give it a shot.

It started off cute enough, the mother and father penguin getting together, the father watching their egg through the cold winter, the father dropping it, the baby hatching with a cute lil' voice to match his cute lil' tap steps. The cute lasted approximately fifteen minutes. As soon as little Mumble (voiced by Elijah Wood) hit puberty, it was as if the cuteness had been attacked and carried off by skuas, then dropped off in the middle of the ice and left to wander, because that's just what happened, journey after journey, from the search for acceptance to the search for friendship to the search for love to the search for the aliens to the search for social reform. In short, the horse on its way to Santa Barbara takes a big ol' detour up to Fillmore.

I suppose the moment I began to get lost was in the dancing. The footsteps just didn't match the feet, and the rhythms didn't really seem to sync with anything else. While this could conceivably parallel the idea of dancing to one's own beat, it just wasn't interesting. It became all the rage among the penguins, then became blasphemous, then became conventional, then became sinful multiple times, which added to the all-around choppiness of the movie.

Happy Feet may have set out to be more epic than it should have been. Creators attempted to chop up so many quest story lines and cram them into an hour and forty minutes that what I thought was intended to be a story about acceptance and self-expression turned into a do-your-part-to-save-the-world PSA with as much subtlety as a mother penguin regurgitating fish into its youngster's mouth. While it did make me feel a little sentimental when Steve Irwin had his cameo, the jumping around from Antarctica to {Florida?} and back to Antarctica completely removed me from the story and made me feel that I'd been watching a rambling ad for WWF for the past hour and a half.

Admittedly, there were some fun parts to watch, and I quite enjoyed Mumble's childhood and everything from the elephant seals to Mumble's captivity. Because of the haphazardly thrown together material surrounding those sections, interspersed with a schizophrenic soundtrack of mish-mashed pop and R&B clips, I can only give this movie three stars. Meh to the max.

How to Train Your Dragon

One comes to expect a lot of things from animated films these days: likable characters, imaginative worlds, the occasional twist, and a whole lotta heart… or at least an attempt.  Often, in an attempt to pander to adult audiences as well, animators have to add in a heaping pile of sarcasm, which just doesn’t work.  Once in a while, however, one has one’s expectations rewritten.  Such was the case with How to Train Your Dragon.

This beautiful movie takes place on a bleak island in the distant north among the Scottish Vikings (which confused me in the beginning but wasn’t a problem after I went with it), who are at war with dragons.  It’s a simple enough premise, and the viewer can tell from the poster alone that young Hiccup (voiced brilliantly by Jay Baruchel) will more than likely take a different perspective.  However, while there were potentially preachy, can’t-we-all-just-get-along moments, they never stepped over the line into cheesiness.  The contrast between Hiccup’s parallel stories of training to be a dragon killer while training an actual dragon sold the message with ease.

I most enjoyed the ingenuity behind the Viking-dragon interactions, especially between Hiccup and Toothless.  The ingenuity that goes into restoring Toothless’ ability to fly and the slow, difficult process of getting Toothless airborne again are both fun to watch and fun to puzzle over.  The imaginative set-up of the dragon bestiary opens up all sorts of potential for a sequel, which I believe is currently in the (Dream)works, and I would probably go see it if it can match the imagination of its predecessor.

To take a moment on imagination, dragons and flight have always held a particular fancy for me, and I mean always, from the first memory.  Though I didn’t have the opportunity to see How to Train Your Dragon in 3D, the thrill of diving toward the sea on Toothless’ back and weaving through the rocky crags was never lost.  There is a feeling of freedom brought about by this movie, guided by a brilliant soundtrack, supported by a fantastic cast of gruffly lovable characters, and filled to the brim with all manners of dragon.  Five stars for imagination, adventure, and non-stop enjoyment.

The Cat Returns

It was a long day, so I decided to unwind with a little trip to Studio Ghibli.  Not really having heard anything about The Cat Returns, but having enjoyed the Studio's many other works, I decided to give it a shot.

The film tells the story of Haru, a teenage girl who saves a cat from being run over by a truck, and in exchange, the Kingdom of the Cats decides to reward her by making her the prince's bride.  Trouble ensues.

To be honest, I was left wanting so much more from this movie.  I wanted to know more about the Cat Bureau, more about how the Cat Kingdom fits in with the regular world.  I wanted to see more creative cats, cat inventions, cat tricks, and cat obstacles.  It felt underwhelming after Miyazaki, a sketch of what could have been much grander.  I did enjoy the character of the Baron, but I felt he was constrained too much to the role of guide/narrator.  I wanted to know his history, and I believe it could have played into the story just fine.  It felt as though it had been strained for content or even "dumbed down," and I wasn't that interested after a while.  The challenges just weren't that great.

I'll recommend this just to say you've seen it.  Nothing really life-altering or ground-breaking.  Though I'm taking the message of believing in myself to heart, it was presented in a rather raw, unfinished way.  Whether this is the fault of the original writer or the translator remains to be known.  Three stars.

Abalone Cove

I discovered Abalone Cove in my early days of working when I really didn't have much to do but research adventures on the internet.  Located in the midst of the fabulous Rancho Palos Verdes, this ecological preserve is a marvel: clear, blue waters, no stray litter, clean air, kelp fronds, and tide pools brimming with life.  Who would have imagined such a place would exist a mere few miles west of Long Beach?


Firstly, a word about the area.  Rancho Palos Verdes is a place of extraordinary opulence, but it is so tastefully designed (or tastefully hidden behind landscaping) that it feels like an entirely different world from Los Angeles.  To observe the enormous mound of earth from the southbound 110, one cannot help but wonder where it could have originated.  Kentucky, perhaps, if Kentucky and its horse ranches look the way I imagine them.  In any case, once on its slopes, one is exposed to breathtaking views of silver seas stretching out to Catalina Island and beyond.  The view from Palos Verdes Drive while the sky is still deciding whether to rain or not is spiritual in its beauty.


A network of trails stretches over the park itself, all leading down to several sections of beach, separated by twenty-foot channels of sea.  Two sections host sea caves, where one can watch the blue-green sea swell and spray with all its might.  In the early morning, amid the perfect temperatures, one shouldn't be surprised to find a welcome committee of ground squirrels in one element and dolphins in another.  The tide pools are teeming with crabs, urchins, anemones, and even the occasional sea slug.  I hear rumors that seals inhabit the kelp fronds, but alas, this time, I didn't see any.  Nonetheless, as far as tide pools are concerned, these surely do not disappoint.


As far as places go, in the early hours of a Sunday morning, when the only other humans are the occasional fishermen, Abalone Cove is as serene as any chapel.  The beautiful coastlines and the regular rushing of the waves create an atmosphere that is a welcome escape from the litter and pollution further north.  It is well worth the drive.

Up in the Air

I finally got around to watching Up in the Air, one of last year's Oscar nominees.  Coming into it, I'd heard mixed reviews, chiefly disagreements with the message and criticism of Anna Kendrick's acting, so it was difficult not to look for those exact things as I watched.  Nonetheless, the movie moved me as a movie should.

I'll dispense at the onset with my impressions of the actors' performances.  Clooney and Farmiga were great, with great chemistry and, save Clooney's star recognizability, believability.  Kendrick's performance was at times overdone and forced, but considering her character was supposed to be overdone and forced, I'd say she did her job well.

As for the message, by the time Ryan (Clooney) is telling his cold-footed brother-in-law-to-be about how every pilot needs a co-pilot to get through a flight, I'd started feeling very sentimental.  It had been just over a week since I broke off my last attempt at dating and deleted my Facebook account, so in many ways, I was making the same choices that Ryan made throughout.  By the time he decided he wanted to have emotional attachments to people, he had been detached so long that there was no one to go back to.  It forced me to consider the human need for companionship to the point that even the hermits of old had God as a companion.  Yet, invisible friends and fantasy only go so far.  I will be reconsidering much because of this film.

In summation, this is officially a comedy, and it does bring some excellent laughs.  The pace is quick, the dialogue excellent, and the acting largely terrific.  It deserved its Oscar nomination and, to a degree, some of its criticism.  Nonetheless, check it out.

Kindle

I decided to buy a Kindle off Amazon.com.  I'd been resisting it for a good long while, because honestly, I love my pages, but a few things changed my mind:

1. Personal files can be transferred directly from a laptop to a Kindle.  In other words, I no longer have to stay by my computer to read scripts and articles.
2. Since it isn't backlit, the Kindle will be easier on my eyes than my computer screen.
3. All texts in the public domain, even obscure and out-of-print ones are available for free on Kindle.  Greek classics, here we come!
4. I will be able to switch between books with ease anywhere I go; I just hope I will be able to take it on an airplane.

It arrives in the mail tomorrow.  I'm anxious to try it out; I've already stocked my Amazon library with Greek tragedies and books of mythology.  To be sure, I am stoked.

Beyond Good and Evil (Part 9)

Having concluded reading Beyond Good and Evil, I here present the final excerpts and shall proceed with a wrap-up in the subsequent post:

260: "There are master morality and slave morality... It is the powerful who understand how to honor; this is their art, their realm of invention.  The profound reverence for age and tradition—all law rests on this double reverence—the faith and prejudice in favor of ancestors and disfavor of those yet to come are typical of the morality of the powerful; and when the men of 'modern ideas,' conversely, believe almost instinctively in 'progress' and 'the future' and more and more lack respect for age, this in itself would sufficiently betray the ignoble origin of these 'ideas'... A slave's eye is not favorable to the virtues of the powerful: he is skeptical and suspicious, subtly suspicious, of all the 'good' that is honored there—he would like to persuade himself that even their happiness is not genuine...here pity the complaisant and obliging hand, the warm heart, patience, industry, humility, and friendliness are honored—for here these are the most useful qualities and almost the only means for enduring the pressure of existence.

"According to slave morality, those who are 'evil' thus inspire fear; according to master morality it is precisely those who are 'good' that inspire, and wish to inspire, fear, while the 'bad' are felt to be contemptible... Wherever slave morality becomes preponderant, language tends to bring the words 'good' and 'stupid' closer together."

261: "It may be understood as the consequence of an immense atavism that even now the ordinary man still always waits for an opinion about himself and then instinctively submits to that—but by no means only a 'good' opinion; also a bad and unfair one (consider, for example, the great majority of the self-estimates and self-underestimates that believing women accept from their father-confessors, and believing Christians quite generally from their church.)"

262: "...nothing will stand the day after tomorrow, except one type of man, the incurably mediocre.  The mediocre alone have a chance of continuing their type and propagating—they are the men of the future, the only survivors: "Be like them!  Become mediocre!" is now the only morality that still makes sense, that still gets a hearing."

263: "Much has been gained once the feeling has finally been cultivated in the masses...that they are not to touch everything; that there are holy experiences before which they have to take off their shoes and keep away their unclean hands—this is almost their greatest advance toward humanity."

270: "It is possible that underneath the holy fable and disguise of Jesus' life there lies concealed one of the most painful cases of the martyrdom of knowledge about love: the martyrdom of the most innocent and desirous heart, never sated by any human love; demanding love, to be loved and nothing else, with hardness, with insanity, with terrible eruptions against those who denied him love; the story of a poor fellow, unsated and insatiable in love, who had to invent hell in order to send to it those who did not want to love him—and who finally, having gained knowledge about human love, had to invent a god who is all love, all ability to love—who has mercy on human love because it is so utterly wretched and unknowing.  Anyone who feels that way, who knows this about love—seeks death."

273: "A human being who strikes for something great considers everyone he meets on his way either as a means or as a delay and obstacle—or as a temporary resting place."

274: "...in nooks all over the earth sit men who are waiting, scarcely knowing in what way they are waiting, much less that they are waiting in vain.  Occasionally the call that awakens—that accident which gives the 'permission' to act—comes too late, when the best youth and strength for action has already been used up by sitting still; and many have found to their horror when they 'leaped up' that their limbs had gone to sleep and their spirit had become too heavy."

282: "Probably all of us have sat at tables where we did not belong; and precisely the most spiritual among us, being hardest to nourish, know that dangerous dyspepsia which comes of a sudden insight and disappointment about our food and our neighbors at the table—the after-dinner nausea."


290: "Every profound thinker is more afraid of being understood than of being misunderstood.  The latter may hurt his vanity, but the former his heart, his sympathy, which always says: 'Alas, why do you want to have as hard a time as I did?"

Absurdistan

The title pretty much says it all. This is a rather absurd movie; in fact, it's almost entirely absurd. I went into it expecting more of a comedy, but in reality, it was just... strange. The atmosphere was a strange tongue-in-cheek mix of Fiddler on the Roof, Calamity Jane, and Urinetown, and while it served as a charming fable about pride and power, it didn't really hit the funny bone, at all.

Basically, the premise is that this forgotten town in modern Russia (babushkas et all) survives on the water from one pipe. When the pipe stops flowing, the men are too lazy to fix it, so the women go on a sex strike until they do. This happens to coincide with the one night when the stars are aligned perfectly for the two protagonists to lose their virginity to each other.

***Spoiler Alert***

What ensues is a collection of shenanigans from the men trying to sneak out of the village to hiring in some sexual support to dressing up a "Judas goat" as a woman (why, we never find out). The women suddenly become gun-toting cowgirls, and the men mostly just stand around as ineffectual lumps. The young man, Temelko, is the only one who really does anything, and considering he married Aya at age eight, the story is really about the length to which a man will go for some nookie.

Basically, I enjoyed some of the moments, and despite the excess voice-over (note: as anyone in my screenwriting classes can attest, me saying anything about too much voice-over is a pretty big deal), I'd still give this three stars. Why not?

آواز گنجشک‌ها (The Song of Sparrows)

There is truly something magical in the works of Iranian filmmaker, Majid Majidi, in the way he can capture the beauty of both the natural and the industrial, the comedy in poverty, and the innocence of childhood. His rich worlds and memorable characters have consistently stood out for me from the moment I was dazzled by the mountain villages of رنگ خدا (The Color of Paradise) and moved by the affection between brother and sister in بچههای آسمان (Children of Heaven). The Song of Sparrows serves as a third marker of the man's genius as a filmmaker who consistently captures the essence of Iranian life and serves it as a fine dish for international palates.

The Song of Sparrows takes us into the more familiar desert climate of Iran, where Karim works on an ostrich farm. However, the desert portrayed here is hardly bleak, its silky, tufted grass swaying to an unearthly rhythm as the characters pass through. The homes are simple, poor, yet never for a moment lack warmth, even as Karim's junk pile builds in his courtyard. There is something in the way Majidi portrays this country that makes it feel inviting, even when he transitions into the big city of Tehran. Here, among the slums and traffic, he still finds a rhythm, brings out the color, and sees the humor in the way people interact with each other in a such a place. So enriched are these worlds that a mere blink feels like a disrespectful act.

The Song of Sparrows follows its predecessors in a warm sense of humor. His characters are, without exception, very poor and struggling to make ends meet yet never fail to find the humor in their situations. Karim in particular is hilarious in his mistakes, starting when he disciplines a group of boys for climbing into a dirty well because it's unsafe; then when one of the boys spots a snake, Karim pushes one of them into the muddy water to get out of the way. He prances through the desert wearing an ostrich disguise, walks into his neighbor's house to grab a spare door and walks out again, and picks up the most bizarre bunch of passengers on his motorcycle. (It really is a marvel how many oddly shaped devices a person can carry on the back of a motorcycle; I recommend watching it just to see them.) Yet, above all of Karim's quirks and his occasional bouts of temper, his caring relationship with his family makes him all the more endearing.

Finally, Majidi's portrayal of children is inspired. He has a tendency to give at least one child character a handicap, be it blindness or deafness. Their fathers try to shape them as best as they can, but in the end, the child who knows what (s)he wants cannot be molded. I found the story of the boys cleaning out the well to fill it with fish to be enchanting. No matter how much resistance Karim put forth, how he stormed and raged, the kids really did a marvelous job of renewing a filthy eyesore. The child actors are adorable in their innocence, and they, like every other of Majidi's characters, are so convincing that the viewer cannot imagine that they could have lives outside of these stories. They become such a part of these villages, these terrains, these stories, that the films themselves are truly alive.

A warning to film students and snobs: this is not a rapid film, nor does it stick to 8-sequence structure. It is a slice of life, a meditation on a character, but every second of it is enchanting, and in the few points where it slows down noticeably, one can be assured that it is only a preparation for a new surprise. Should you get a chance to rent this gem of Iranian cinema, or indeed any work by Majid Majidi, take it and enjoy.

Beyond Good and Evil (Part 8)

I took a bit of a break from Nietzsche, but since I'm so close, I'd say it's about time I picked up the pace. Not a lot of quotes that stood out this time, since the chapter is mostly directed toward Germany, but what I most enjoyed was Nietzsche's views on passion, how there was a time when passion used to be celebrated in people, whereas now it is considered indecent or insane to express one's passions in the public forum. He rails against society for reading alone, for failing to hear the rhythm of words, for lacking appreciation of worldly artistry. It makes me want to start exploring more open-mic nights. Anyone interested?

Also, I enjoyed how Nietzsche bad-mouthed 19th-century anti-Semitism. The fact that his work was misquoted in Nazi propaganda only serves to highlight the dangers of selective quoting. That said, I only leave quotes below for personal memory and hopefully to encourage readers to check out the book in its entirety.

243: “I hear with pleasure that our sun is swiftly moving toward the constellation of Hercules—and I hope that man on this earth will in this respect follow the sun’s example.”

246: “How many Germans know, and demand of themselves that they should know that there is art in every good sentence—art that must be figured out if the sentence is to be understood! A misunderstanding about its tempo, for example—and the sentence itself is misunderstood.”

248: “There are two types of genius: one which above all begets and wants to beget, and another which prefers being fertilized and giving birth.”

The Linguistics of The Little Prince

I set a goal a few years back that I want to be able to communicate in at least seven languages. On my list are French, German, Hebrew, Italian, Mandarin, Polish, and Spanish, and since I've never really had the time and resources for an official education in all of them, I'm using whatever means I have at my disposal, in this case, one of my favorite books of all time, The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, which, if you haven't read it yet, please do.

So, thanks to the public library system, I'm transcribing the story in different languages and compiling them into an Excel spreadsheet, something like this:

English	Italian	Polish
"It’s the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important."	« È il tempo che tu hai perduto per la tua rosa che ha fatto la tua rosa cosí importante ».	– Poświęcileś swojej róży wiele czasu i dlatego jest dla ciebie aż tak ważna.

The nice thing about this format is that each phrase is in an adjoining cell, which makes context and vocabulary interpretation much easier. With external lessons in pronunciation and other vocabulary, it's actually been very effective at improving my written understanding of these languages. Now if only I could figure out the same for speaking them.

In any case, the project smitten in this category is the scanning of the next round. Le Petit Prince and Der Kleine Prinz are due back at the library today after renewing them twice. I probably won't get around to actually transcribing them for another year or so, because of other projects, but at least it's ready to go.