I decided to read an extra chapter today, since it's raining out, and the first chapter intrigued me. Chapter 2 outlines the different types of boundaries, from the physical (skin) to the spiritual (truth), and accounts for all the things that set them (e.g. responsibility and desires). What I'm really enjoying about this book so far is the moderate way it approaches the Bible, giving solid distinction between glorifying God (which appeals to me) and worshiping God (which does not). This, however, will be an Ass Burgers topic.
I've included some quotes below that have resonated with me on my journey.
"As it stands now, he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable." (30)
I can see this in myself, in my roommates, and in my parents. It's the idea of being responsible and keeping one's mouth shut about another's irresponsibility in order to keep the peace, mostly out of fear of an unfavorable reaction. What most do not realize is that volcanoes build in silence.
"Our fences need gates in them... Confessing pain and sin helps to 'get it out' so that it does not continue to poison me on the inside." (35)
It's far too easy to set up a boundary as a wall. Much of my spiritual panic in the last two years has established a wall that will not allow good in or bad out. In order to correct this, I need to acknowledge more external good and either accept or refute more internal bad.
"Sometimes a person is pressuring you to do something; other times the pressure comes from your own sense of what you 'should' do. If you cannot say no to this external or internal pressure, you have lost control of your property and are not enjoying the fruit of 'self control.'" (36-37)
I relate to this in so many ways, especially on those nights when I get invited to multiple events at the same time. I feel that I should spend time with the person I haven't seen in the longest while, even if their activity is not as interesting to me as the other. Most times, I end up canceling on both for fear of disappointing one over the other, but in the end, both are disappointed. With expanded self-control, one person can be instantly gratified, and the next will have a delay, but still gratification eventually.
"The Bible urges us to separate from those who continue to hurt us and to create a safe place for ourselves. Removing yourself from the situation will also cause the one who is left behind to experience a loss of fellowship that may lead to changed behavior." (38)
This beautifully summarizes my reasoning for logging off of Facebook. The situation of watching interactions between others, while being ignored, of volunteering information without actually receiving interest, and of contorting myself to entertain and receive approval of others, was hurting me and had been hurting me for years. Since leaving it and getting past the withdrawals, the quality of life has taken an immense upward turn.
"Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change." (39)
Wise words to live by. These could have saved me all sorts of trouble, and, in fact, have recently been very useful in the relationship field. Now all that remains to be ingrained in my brain is direct confrontation over the matters of sustained change or lack thereof.
"We have been so trained by others on what we 'should' do that we think we are being loving when we do things out of compulsion." (44)
I've thought of this a lot lately now that the radio is announcing the frenzy of the holiday season and my coworkers are complaining about the forthcoming stress. The funny thing I've noticed about Christmas is how many gifts are given for the sake of propriety, without consideration for need or want but only the fear of someone's reaction to getting nothing. We demand to get, or we are too afraid not to demand. Thus, the magic of the season is lost to anxiety, and a barrier is placed among family members. Some of the best things I have received at Christmas have been words and actions, written, promised, or acted out. They are the most memorable and the most meaningful.
I've included some quotes below that have resonated with me on my journey.
"As it stands now, he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable." (30)
I can see this in myself, in my roommates, and in my parents. It's the idea of being responsible and keeping one's mouth shut about another's irresponsibility in order to keep the peace, mostly out of fear of an unfavorable reaction. What most do not realize is that volcanoes build in silence.
"Our fences need gates in them... Confessing pain and sin helps to 'get it out' so that it does not continue to poison me on the inside." (35)
It's far too easy to set up a boundary as a wall. Much of my spiritual panic in the last two years has established a wall that will not allow good in or bad out. In order to correct this, I need to acknowledge more external good and either accept or refute more internal bad.
"Sometimes a person is pressuring you to do something; other times the pressure comes from your own sense of what you 'should' do. If you cannot say no to this external or internal pressure, you have lost control of your property and are not enjoying the fruit of 'self control.'" (36-37)
I relate to this in so many ways, especially on those nights when I get invited to multiple events at the same time. I feel that I should spend time with the person I haven't seen in the longest while, even if their activity is not as interesting to me as the other. Most times, I end up canceling on both for fear of disappointing one over the other, but in the end, both are disappointed. With expanded self-control, one person can be instantly gratified, and the next will have a delay, but still gratification eventually.
"The Bible urges us to separate from those who continue to hurt us and to create a safe place for ourselves. Removing yourself from the situation will also cause the one who is left behind to experience a loss of fellowship that may lead to changed behavior." (38)
This beautifully summarizes my reasoning for logging off of Facebook. The situation of watching interactions between others, while being ignored, of volunteering information without actually receiving interest, and of contorting myself to entertain and receive approval of others, was hurting me and had been hurting me for years. Since leaving it and getting past the withdrawals, the quality of life has taken an immense upward turn.
"Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change." (39)
Wise words to live by. These could have saved me all sorts of trouble, and, in fact, have recently been very useful in the relationship field. Now all that remains to be ingrained in my brain is direct confrontation over the matters of sustained change or lack thereof.
"We have been so trained by others on what we 'should' do that we think we are being loving when we do things out of compulsion." (44)
I've thought of this a lot lately now that the radio is announcing the frenzy of the holiday season and my coworkers are complaining about the forthcoming stress. The funny thing I've noticed about Christmas is how many gifts are given for the sake of propriety, without consideration for need or want but only the fear of someone's reaction to getting nothing. We demand to get, or we are too afraid not to demand. Thus, the magic of the season is lost to anxiety, and a barrier is placed among family members. Some of the best things I have received at Christmas have been words and actions, written, promised, or acted out. They are the most memorable and the most meaningful.
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